Whatcha Worrying For, God’s Gotcha!
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? For after all these things do the Gentiles seek for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. MATTHEW 6:25-33
The message in church last Sunday was, “I am To Blessed To Be Stressed.” Let me just tell you, I have been screaming that all week! What is gonna take for me to fully put my trust and faith in God? How many times has He shown His love for me through answered prayer, but like the Israelites I seem to suffer from memory loss at times. God had brought them so many things yet they still questioned His ability to take of them. Why? Why do we continually worry about things when God has promised us in His word that He would provide for us. He will protect us, and He will make a way when there seems to be no way.
I Remember the back to back blizzards we had about three years ago. The world called it the “Snowpocalypse.” I don’t think I have ever seen that much snow in my life. Talk about worrying. I mean stress was kicking my butt…. What are you gonna eat, what if you cant make it to work, you know you have bills to pay, what if you lose electric, if you lose electric you wont have heat, and on and on like the pounding of a hammer it went and this was before the storm actually hit! God, the faithful loving, Father that He is, showed me some things during this time, that I am ashamed to say I must have forgotten. I have to have or why else would I even give worry the time of day now.
Honestly, I had been listening to the weather report all day the day of the first storm, and in the back of mind I thought its not going to be that bad. Well I was wrong. It was about 7 o’clock when I got off work that night and that’s when the reality of it had hit. They had issued a State of Emergency, all cars needed to off the road. Well I had to go to the store so I ignored that. Thank God there are several grocery stores I would pass on my way home because the first one was EMPTY! I mean ZIP, ZILCH, NADA! No bread, potatoes, milk, eggs, chips, meat, and even the produce section was bare. I have never walked into a store and saw anything like that. Fear really kicked in then. I called my husband and told him about the situation and he told me he had stopped to the store when he got off work at 4 and he had some stuff. Although that reassured me a little bit I wasn’t satisfied. My second stop was at Giant, and it was there I made out much better. They didn’t have much meat but that had much more food on there shelves. I made it home safe and sound and food in hand. I was happy.
Upon arriving home I learned my hubby had to go into work and most likely he would be stuck there. Well I didn’t like the idea of that at all. All I could think about was him out there on the roads and what if we lost electric. After seeing him off I made my way into my room to talk with God. It was there that I learned my first lesson. It seemed I had been praying about us not losing the electric more then anything else so it was during one of those prayers God spoke to my heart and said, “When you pray, believe that you receive.” My next thought was well I do believe so I just need to start thanking God that we will not lose electric. And that’s what I did. I started thanking the Lord from that point on that we would not lose electric. When it blinked, I thanked God, that it was going to stay on. During both storms we never lost electric on our street. The streets parallel to us lost it, but not ours! We kept our electric it never went out. The lesson I learned was sometimes there comes a point when you have to stop praying about a situation and just start thanking God for the answer. Some people may think that’s silly but not me. When you pray, you must believe that God hears you and if you believe He hears you then He will answer you so why not thank Him in advance for the answered prayer.
It was also during these storms that I took up a love for feeding the birds. There would be no work for me that week. I couldn’t even get out of my driveway. I was really worried, I had bills due that week and we needed more food so being out of work for a week was not really working for me. So since I was stuck in the house all week and had nothing else to do I fed them. I would put my boots on and walk in mounds and mounds of snow just to feed them. I popped popcorn for them and everything. (LOL) While watching them eat one morning the scripture about worrying and God taking care of the birds came to mind. Why do you question God’s ability to take care of you. Look at these birds, God puts it on peoples heart all over this world to set out feeders and watering stations for them so that they are well provided for so what makes you think He wont take of you? Silly me! I started thanking God for the provision we needed to get us through the week. My husband could get back and forth to work because his job let him use a vehicle with a snow plow. He is the Maintenance Supervisor in a huge housing development. People were coming to him and asking him to plow their driveways so they could get out. While he couldn’t do it on company time, he did it on his lunch hour and after work and they paid him!! He made tons of money that week and God had provided for us!
God is so faithful even when we question and doubt His ability to do as He said He would. Thank goodness He never gives up on us! So why do we worry? Why do we continually walk in fear instead of faith in Gods Word. He says in Philippians 4:19, that He would supply ALL our needs according to HIS riches in Glory. Why not rest in that instead of wrestling with fear, doubt and unbelief. Fear and faith cannot operate at the same time. We are so accustomed to taking care of ourselves so when situations arise and our ability to do so is question we become afraid and faith goes out the window. The truth of the matter is our faith should be in God anyway and not ourselves.
Look back over your life, can you remember the times that God has provided for you when you didn’t know how or where your provision was coming from. Those are the times you need to revisit and build your faith back to the point where you say, “Ya know what, I been here before and I know the Lord will make a way.” If He did it before He will do it again.
Father,
Forgive for putting our faith in our ability to provide for ourselves. Forgive us for worrying and doubting You and Your Word. It is only by Your grace and mercy that we have made this far. Thank You God that even when we are not faithful, You still are! Thank You for Loving us enough to never give up on us. Thank You God for making away when we see no way. In Jesus Name Amen.
LET IT GO
PHILIPPIANS 3:13-14
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
When I was 12 years old my mother died of Cancer. She was only 41. As one would imagine this was a very devastating time for me. Now, some of my memories of her and the events leading up to this time are just not there, while others are unforgettable as you will see.
I remember where we lived. 890 Cedar Lane Avenue in Pleasantville, New Jersey. Our house was a 3 bedroom green rancher. The Applewhites lived to the left of us and Mrs. Eloise and her family lived on the right. My best friend Angel and her family lived next door to her. There were a lot of other houses surrounding us in the area too. There was a big empty field where all the neighborhood kids gathered to play softball and kick ball. We had to cross this field to get to our house when walking home from school. The saying it takes a village to raise a child could definitely be applied to our neighborhood because if you were caught doing something wrong, somebody was going to tell on you!
In my house lived, my mother, father, 3 younger sisters, ages 10, 8, and 7. My older sister age 25 and my 4-year-old baby brother. I also have an older brother who did not live at home at the time. When my mother became sick at one point my cousin Monica and her family as well as my grandmother came to stay with us.
I guess you could say the first memory of mom being sick was when I woke up one night to see my father carrying her out to the car. That didn’t turn out to be much at the time, just a kidney stone. She could have known then that she had cancer for all I know. I say that because, six months she was sick no one ever told us younger kids. The only reason I knew she had cancer was because I had overheard it. It was the summer before she passed actually and one of my sisters and I had been staying with my paternal grandmother for the summer. My grandmother was on the phone with one of my aunts. “Ricky, short for Valryka, has cancer” she said. I don’t remember my initial reaction at all. The only thing I recall about that is telling my younger sister. We didn’t even know what cancer was and we never told anyone what I had overheard. No one ever told us what was wrong with mom and we never asked. I think she didn’t want them to tell us. Years later my father told us that on the night she found out she had cancer she begged him to tell her that she wasn’t going to die as she cried in his arms. She made him promise he would take care of us.
Our last Christmas together is very faint as well, but what I do remember brings tears to my eyes, even to this day. It was a couple of days after Christmas and mom was laying on the sofa. I was kneeling down beside her as she watched me show her how I played this hand-held Pac-Man video game. She asked me if I was mad with her because she couldn’t play with me. I don’t remember if I looked up at her and answered or if I just kept on playing as I answered, “No” I remember how my heart-felt though, you know the type of pain that feels as if someone has just gripped your heart with their bare hands and is trying to squeeze all the life out of you as they are daring you not to let that tear fall from your eye. Yes, it was that painful. I held it in though just like I held in everything else.
Mom had a make shift hospital room in the house. They had turned the dining room into a room that would meet all her needs. Complete with hospital bed and all. She wanted to be home and when she was well enough to come they let her. One week before she died she went into a coma. My grandmother couldn’t get her to wake up. They called for my best friend Angels, mom to come down and see what was wrong. She was a nurse. She helped them turn her over because she said sometimes when you turn coma patient they wake up and she did. They still called the ambulance and took her to the hospital. There they would tell them she only had a week to live. The family never told my mom and they never told us kids. I guess they felt it best. All she wanted was to come home so they let her. That was Monday January 10, 1983.
Every morning before we left for school I gave my mom a kiss and told her I loved her. Monday morning, January 17, 1983 we overslept and were running late for school. I rushed out of the house without telling her that. Oh man! I thought, as we got in the car and headed for school. I will tell her when I get home I thought. As I sat in Ms. Birch’s 6th grade class, staring out the window, I had what you would call a vision I guess. And this vision would haunt me for years. As I stared out the window I saw my green house and the field we played kickball games in. I saw myself walking through this field and my cousin coming out to greet me, she would tell me that the ambulance was on its way to get my mom and that later on that night she would die. Well I snapped right out of that and said to myself, you need to stop daydreaming and that was a stupid thing to be thinking anyway. Get back to work, I told myself. Three O’clock came and the day was over. I waited for my sisters and my best friend Angel after school so we could walk home. I laughed and carried on with them like we normally did everyday. That is until we got to the field and my cousin Monica came out to greet me and tell me that the ambulance was on its way. What I had visualized in school was coming to pass right before my eyes! Now, I do not remember anything else after that moment except for them coming back home and gathering us all in the room. I just remembering crying before anyone of them opened their mouths. They didn’t have to tell me because I already knew. My thoughts at that moment went straight to that morning and how I had forgotten to tell her that I loved her. I do not remember who grabbed me or was trying to console me at that time. The only other thing I remember about that night is my father telling us that we would be alright, and my youngest sister asking why everyone was crying. When they asked her why she had been crying she replied, “because everybody was.” She was only 7 at the time. She didn’t understand death. No one ever told her about moms sickness perhaps had they prepared us her response would have been different. Just in case you’re wondering if I was angry with them, I wasn’t. I had deeper issues. Issues I never shared with anyone for years. You see I thought my mom died because of what I had thought that day in school. I was angry with myself for rushing out that morning without telling her that I loved her. Did she know that I did? This 12-year-old was in torment. This is the place where fear was birthed in my life. The fears I shared with you in my previous posts. They all stemmed from this one event in my life.
The funeral was January 23, it was a bitter, cold, and dreary day, perfect for a funeral I suppose. We all rode in this ugly green limo. The hearse was the same ugly color. The funeral home smelled like cherry Juicy Juice, oh how I hate the smell of it! Other then remembering that my mother had blue on and that Rev. Scott mentioned how I prayed for my mother every Saturday at the bible study he held in his house, I don’t remember a thing about the funeral.
There was no real grieving process that took place for me. Her death was never really talked about. I remember one day my sisters and I were together in our room and one of us mentioned my mom and my younger sister said, “sssshhh don’t talk about mommy.” Why she said that I have no idea but growing up we just did not discuss her. I do remember crying myself to sleep at night because I thought I had caused it all and I told no one….
I lived in that mental prison way into my adult years. I did eventually share the story of my vision in school that day with my sisters and my father. I never told them that I had thought it was my fault though and to this day I have not shared that with them. Grieving moms death never really happened for me until last year. Mother’s Day weekend actually. Well maybe I grieved in my own way all those years but a part of me felt that I needed closure. You see every January 17, February 27, her birthday, and Mother’s Day was awful for me. Silently I suffered inside. It was like someone gripping my heart again and daring me to shed a tear. And it hurt like hell. I wanted it to end after all it had been 28 years for Petes sake. I came to this conclusion while shopping for a Mother’s Day card for my Pastor’s wife. I was standing in Rose’s Department Store surrounded by what I always called “stupid mother’s day cards” when the pain in my heart came again and this time the tears fell right in the store. I rushed out to my car in tears and could barely see while driving home. This is ridiculous I thought. She has been dead for 28 years now and I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Sad maybe, but my heart shouldn’t hurt like this. Someone later told me that because I never grieved her death, every time those events came around it was like I was reliving it all over again. The wound never had a chance to heal. It was awful. I came home and sat down with my journal and talked to God. You have got to help me Lord, I cried and wrote. I cant do this anymore, I don’t want to feel this way, she is dead and I know she is not coming back and I don’t want to cry anymore. God quietly spoke to my heart and said, “you will rest in peace when you let her rest in peace.” I had never let her go and therefore I had no peace. I never got a chance to say my goodbye. My aha moment, as Oprah would say. I decided I would say my good byes. I went to the store and got a Mother’s Day balloon and I was going to write my mother a letter, tie it to the balloon and let it go. I sat on my swing outside, it was a beautiful warm sunny day and I wrote my goodbye letter. I told her I was angry that she left me and that I was sorry that I had forgotten to tell her I love her that day. I told her I knew she was in a better place and that I would see her again someday. I shared a lot about my life and things a mother and daughter would discuss. Then I tied it to the balloon, cried like a baby and LET IT GO! I asked God to send it to her grave in New Jersey for me. It hasn’t made it there yet but I believe it will somehow that balloon is going to get there.
I shared this story with you because I learned that there is tremendous power in letting things go. I am by no means saying that when a person dies you should just forget about them and move on. Grief has stages and is a process and takes time. I just wish someone had shared this with me back then, but that’s OK. As a 12-year-old child no one told me that so all my emotions were bottled up inside and because I held them in my heart for so long other things began to manifest in there as well. All those fears i spoke of in the previous post, they stem from this place right here.
We all have to go through things in life that will bring us to our place of purpose, but at the same point in time, there will be obstacles that we must overcome on that journey. That was an obstacle for me and 28 years later God has healed that part of my heart and I am free from its torment. So with that being said, I ask you, what’s in your heart that you need to let go of? It doesn’t have to be the death of a loved one it could be anything in your life that is weighing you down. Have you been carrying around hurt, anger, bitterness or maybe unforgiveness in your heart towards someone and you sense that its time to let it go. Perhaps you have been feeling that nudging in your heart for a while now and this post is just a confirmation for you. Well I am here to tell you there is freedom if you release it.
Life is to short and you have a purpose to fulfill whether you know what it is or not right now, is not the point. The point is to let go of all the things in you heart that are hurting you so you can get to that place of purpose.
Father,
I pray that all who read this will examine their hearts and follow Your leading on how to release the issues in their hearts. Let the words that have been written plow their hearts so that they are now ready for Your peace, love, and healing to start growing in place of every hurt that has ever existed in their lives. May they come to know You as their source of all strength when their heart is overwhelmed. May they come to know the purpose and plans that You have for their life and not only know it but walk in it. May they come to the place of understanding that even though bad things have happened in their lives that You, Oh, God can use that as a platform to propel them. Most of all God, I pray that they come to know what is the depth of Your love for them.
In Jesus Name I pray,
AMEN
~RIP~
VALRYKA Y. MOBLEY
1-17-83
THE VOICE OF HOPE 