THE VOICE OF HOPE

It's All Good Here ~ We create Hope with Words to bring out the "BLESSED" in you!

Deja Vu


So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. 1So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:14-16 NLT

Have you ever had the feeling of doing something or being somewhere like you were encountering it for the first time? There is a fancy French word for that called “déjà vu.” Déjà vu in the literal sense means already seen. It makes people feel as if something is being seen or happening for the first time, when it really isn’t.

This happened to me recently in a spiritual sense. As you know, I had a major move in my life last year that caused me some unforeseen emotion. I was excited and adventurous at first. Then I was fearful and anxious. Later on, I became angry and resentful. In the end, I was experiencing full-blown grief.

Little by little, even though trying to walk with God and keep myself afloat spiritually, I was changing. I was sensitive to comments people made. I took things personally when people did not show appreciation for things I did or they didn’t return my call or text. I started complaining more about the little things. I was easily frustrated. I was withdrawn, not talking openly about my troubles. I wrestled internally with a lot of emotion to the point of stuffing my true feelings.

All of that little by little complaining and stuffing led to a big outburst and then a meltdown. I could no longer contain my emotion concerning one incident that recently happened. I blew up and said things in my anger. I feel guilt for blowing up and being critical. I felt pity thinking God doesn’t even love me and why should I even have a relationship with Him. I prayed over my agony of having so much emotion weighing me down and confusing me. Why was I cursed with being such an emotional creature?

Thank God, He provides answers and a way of dealing with it. After all of the emotional drama, I was led to pick up a book on my shelf by Joyce Meyer called Managing Your Emotions.

I remember when I first received that book. I saw the advertisement for it on her TV program. At that time, I was going through depression off and on and seeking healing for my soul. Since I was a stay-at-home mom with no income, I knew I could not buy that book. I remember right at that moment, I prayed that someone would give me the book as a gift. I knew I needed it.

Within a week, I received that book in my hand from someone who was a spiritual mentor in my life at the time. She knew I suffered a great deal in managing my emotions. She had also had her own battle. The book is inscribed by her and dated June 13, 2007. She included two scriptures: Psalm 20:4-5 “May he grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed. May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory and raise a victory banner in the name of our God. May the Lord answer all your prayers” and Mark 11: 24 “I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. The gift of this book provided me comfort, relief, and hope.

I picked that book up today and began reading it. It was like I never read this book before in my life. I got to a page where she shared that she got to a point when she didn’t understand why she was an emotional wreck. She heard God say He was going to test her emotions. My light bulb came on- I have been through this emotional storm before! I had already taken this emotional rollercoaster ride at another time in my life. It felt like the first time I was going through this, but it wasn’t. It was déjà vu.

I was never at odds with God, people, or even myself. I was at odds with the sin inside me. It is the grace of God that He makes me right with him.

Now that the revelation has been made, I feel so much peace. I read through the scriptures in Joyce’s book and I bookmarked them on my mobile Bible app. This is my armor for equipping myself against this scheme in the days to come.

I have been reminded that emotions are great when handled properly. When we live for Christ we have to make our emotions obedient to Christ and his desires not ours. I share all of this so that someone else can know that they are not in the battle alone.

Our goal is to get strong, be strong, and help someone else overcome their battle. Be encouraged today, that God loves you and gives you the grace you need to survive the storm. We have already won the battle.

Ephesians 6:12
[ A Fight to the Finish ] And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

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Fighting Back Against the Desire to Die


16He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18:16-19

 

Suicide is never an easy topic to discuss, but at one time I had to face it in my life. I went through about a four year period where I was just stuck spinning my wheels in grief. There were days that I didn’t want to get out of bed. There were times when I just wanted to be alone. There were times I just wanted to scream because I could not communicate what was going on with me.

I was grieved to the point of thinking suicidal thoughts. I would run and hide in the bathroom or the closet because while I was suffering and struggling to survive, so much was demanded of me at the same time. I felt like I would be better off dead. I imagined I would stab myself in the heart because that is where I hurt. My heart ached as if something in me had died. I thought about an overdose because that was less of a mess and I wouldn’t hurt any more.

I sought the Lord, over and over again with no relief. I finally told someone close to me how I felt. That discussion was even worse than what I was thinking of doing. The other person asked me why I wanted to kill myself and told me that it didn’t make sense. I remember being upset thinking well, what good is it to talk to someone when you end up feeling worse off than before you said anything?

It occurred to me that when you announce that you want to die or you thought about harming yourself, everyone will not understand. You cannot just talk to anyone about your situation. It helps to talk to someone who has been in that situation. When I found someone to relate to me I was able to get more in touch with the root of my issue.

You see, when you go through something that wounds you to your soul, it’s hard to recover. Yet, the people around you tell you, you need to get over it. You want to and you just can’t- at least not on their timeline. You have to work through your grief on your time, not somebody else’s. When you get to the point where you want to die, it’s dangerous that the desire is in you. It’s not too late to get help. Be prepared because it may take overcoming some hurdles to get resolve.

I finally had a breakthrough realizing that although I hurt deep within my soul, there was a reason for it. I got into my bible more, and it became clear that God had a plan for my life. The devil has never, ever wanted me to succeed. Satan also knows the plans God has for my life and he knows it’s good! I am such a threat to the enemy he has to plot to take me out by my own hand! I couldn’t make the devil’s plan for me easy. I fought back. I empowered myself with God’s word. The word led me to Psalm 18:16-19. I was emotionally flooded as if in ocean waters. God rescued me because he delights in me. He delights in you too!

The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP) reports that “every 14.2 minutes someone in the United States dies from a suicide”( AFSP, Facts and Figures, 2009). By the time you finish a 30 minute lunch break close to 30 people have died by their own hand. In one day, the number of people is over 1,300.

Praise God that I never attempted what I was thinking. Yet, I’m sharing this today because I know somebody is thinking about it. Please do not suffer in silence. Get help. I am living proof that the best times of your life are yet to come. Let God show you how much He delights in you.

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Life Prayer

Dear Lord,

I remember clearly when I was going through that time in my life wondering why you made me and why you allowed me so so much misery. It seemed like you were not even there, but you were. You delivered me, you rescued me, and you saved me.

You gave me a testimony to share with other people. Thank you! I pray that the right people who need to read this will know that you are speaking to them personally and there is a reason for the struggle. Trust and believe in God’s plan and do not give the devil a “W” in his game against you. To God be the glory. AMEN!

The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP) Facts and Figures; 2009; Retrieved on September 12, 2012 from http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?page_id=04ea1254-bd31-1fa3-c549d77e6ca6aa37

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Thus Saith The Lord God

The writing of the Holy Bible continues published by GROY

THE VOICE OF HOPE

It's All Good Here ~ We create Hope with Words to bring out the "BLESSED" in you!

kacidiane

This is a story expressed through multiple forms of poetry.

G.E.M.S.

Empowering Souls

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