THE VOICE OF HOPE

It's All Good Here ~ We create Hope with Words to bring out the "BLESSED" in you!

Grief is a Process

on July 29, 2012

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

I had been waiting for Chanteea to share about her mom, Valryka, my favorite auntie. Her death was a major blow to our little family circle. My mom, Pat had a strong sisterly bond with “Val.” My mom just loved being with her and especially enjoyed fond memories of their times at the beach. Spending time at the beach as mom has shared was something they always did. It was something we continued to do even after Val was gone.

I was 11 years old and I can remember being right there with the family in that house on Cedar Lane. Auntie’s cancer progressed to where she was completely bed ridden. My mom and my grandmother, affectionately called Nan, were right there for Auntie. My mom had taken me and my brother and sister out of our school in Delaware for at least two weeks that January so we could be there.

One of the things I had to do while staying there was help clean the dishes in the kitchen. In the dining room next door was where auntie lay in her hospital bed. One day I was washing dishes and I heard auntie groan loudly several times. I couldn’t make out what she was saying but nobody was in the room with her. I went to ask my mom what auntie was saying. My heart sank as my mom told me that auntie was yelling fire. The cancer in her body literally made her body feel as though it were on fire. My auntie was in so much pain. I believe we all would have done anything to save her life, but there was absolutely nothing we could do. We were powerless.

That fateful eve of January 17, 1983 was the last time auntie moaned in pain. We were all gathered in the living room when the devastating news was announced. My mom said through her tears that auntie was gone. I cannot imagine how hard this was for my mom and even though she is a fighter, I believe she was also relieved that auntie suffered no more pain.

Chanteea was right, nobody talked about auntie’s death. It was like a hushed secret of shame that nobody wanted to talk about. As kids we had questions; we had overwhelming emotions not knowing how to process them. It wasn’t until I became an adult dealing with my own personal grief that I realized grief is a process. I felt like my “wheels” were stuck in mud and I was going in circles with the same issue over and over again as Chanteea shared.

The stages of grief: denial, anger/guilt, bargaining, and acceptance are real. When Jesus was nailed to the cross, even the disciples questioned whether he was the Messiah. When Jesus died, the disciples were confused and felt as if their loyalties were displaced and their convictions were void. There was an emotional reaction that no one knew how to deal with. The same reactions continue today.

Many of us have unspoken grief right now that is causing bewilderment inside our hearts and minds. People do not know how to deal with death or the grief aftermath. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and it makes people too vulnerable to the condition of their hearts. Those are feelings people just cannot handle. They avoid all of that “feely stuff” at all costs. People void the emotion and try to fill that void with worldliness: work, drugs, alcohol, unhealthy relationships, extramarital affairs, etc.

Our addictions are not rooted so much in personal desire as they are in grief. We fabricate our own coping methods and create a bogus front to give the outward impression that we are in control of our lives. The impact of not grieving through the entire process clings to our souls and lingers. Every time we are confronted with the source of an unprocessed grief, we get defensive and lash out. We accuse and point fingers at other people and cowardly dismiss our own guilt. Sadly, we neglect to realize that we will always be inadvertently conscious of the deep rooted grief, yet many of us will still stubbornly choose not to deal with it even when it arises again and again.

There is a huge difference between trying to deal with grief on our own or to let God help us. I am proud of Chanteea for surrendering to God and His way of dealing with grief. Her experience is an example of how God keeps his promises. He ensures that we are comforted, no matter how long it takes. God is faithful in all He does, even when it hurts us to our core.

If you are moved by this blog today, feel free to leave comments on how you have dealt or maybe haven’t yet dealt with a painful situation or how you helped someone cope with one. You never know how your story may help someone else find the healing they have been needing. Be inspired to lead someone else to the hope they are looking for.

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For more information on stages of grief please click the following link.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

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Comforting scriptures

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Job 5:11

The lowly he sets on high, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.

Ecclesiastes 3:4

a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…

Ecclesiastes 7:2

It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.

Jeremiah 8:18

You who are my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me.

John 3:16

For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

 

 

 

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Thus Saith The Lord God

The writing of the Holy Bible continues published by GROY

THE VOICE OF HOPE

It's All Good Here ~ We create Hope with Words to bring out the "BLESSED" in you!

kacidiane

This is a story expressed through multiple forms of poetry.

G.E.M.S.

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